that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
