I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
