sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The ass gains better be worth it
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