dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
