I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
