I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
