in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
