I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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