He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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