Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize