One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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