so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
