"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
