Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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