Can Purell be used as lube?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
