I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Found your dick twin last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
