from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize