Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize