I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
