guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
