Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
