I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
