And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
