I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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