Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
