Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
