Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
