dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
