o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
