my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize