he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize