Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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