you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
