You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize