Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize