Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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