I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
