Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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