my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
