all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
