I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm really busy with my period
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