He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
