Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
