I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
