One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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