? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
