My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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