My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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