problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
