Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
