just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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