I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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