i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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