please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
