great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
