Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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