we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pooping to opera.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
