Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
