3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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