if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
