C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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