just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
