I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
