If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
